Sunday, August 20

I Am A Beautiful Butterfly

Chrysalis is a stage of the metamorphic cycle of the caterpillar/butterfly. It's the stage of cocoon in which the caterpillar undergoes the amazing change from a caterpillar to a beautiful butterfly.
This weekend has been one of the most amazing | |'s of my life.
I was privileged to be asked to participate on a camp called Chrysalis that is aimed at hitting you where you're at. It's not a camp that you attend for adventure--that comes when you leave. It's not a camp that you attend to be constantly being entertained by "activities." Chrysalis is a camp you attend to see god move in your life. I went for this reason and was not disappointed!

Have you ever been invited to something that you know nothing or just the bare essentials about by a friend and agreed to go only because your friend believed that you should? I thank god for my Friend Aaron because without this man of God, I wouldn’t be able to type this short message bout the character of God.
Here is my TESTimony:
for those of you who know me, I’m a bit of a know-it-all--even if I know I don't. I like to have the answers to your questions. "Where does this come from?" "How does this work?" "What should I do in this aspect of my walk?" answering questions helps me to feel needed, helps me to fell like I have a purpose. And of course so as not to be a hypocrite, I had to know the answers to my own life too! I had to know where I am destined for the future, what was wrong with my life, how to fix it, why I felt this way, why someone felt that way about me. Everything that there was a question to I had to know the answer; despite whether I knew it when it was asked. Sometimes, this is a noble cause. What happens though when there's a question about my own life I don’t know the answer to? What do I do? The answer is simple really and quite obvious, I make it up!
here's some background for you:
recently on my trip to Thailand and in the weeks following I felt god lay upon my heart the desire to go and study a DTS wit a youth missions organisation called YWAM. Around the same time I was approached to possibly be the manager of a DOME cafe (A huge step towards my lifelong dream) and there is also the possibility of a position in youth ministry at my church. Knowing I couldn’t do all three especially since one is in Thailand, I accepted the manager's position, and told them that I was leaving in 5 months. Through all of this, I was praying and giving the decision over to god, but I think that I had handcuffed the outcome to me so that I got to decide in the end. I mean surely DTS is the right answer! It has to be, missions is God's heart for the world!! So I was going to Thailand. That was it. It was final. I had made my decision. I talked about it with my parents, and with my best friend, and I told my pastor. But in between my initial talk with my parent, and with my friends, I sort of forgot that God hadn’t stopped speaking. And when I heard him saying "SLOW DOWN RYAN, YOU'RE MOVING TOO FAST," my reaction was a mild version of get thee behind me Satan!!
God led me to a point where I could say confidently, "I'm not confident about this decision." Through Him speaking through friends and workmates I came to a spot where I didn’t feel His peace about this decision. So on Friday night I nailed it to the cross. I gave the decision back to God, saying I can't do this without your peace. And do you know what I felt??? Nothing. Nothing, at least until the next night. When we were asked to reflect on the night before.

In silence we reflected. In silence I was distracted. But once again I praise god for Aaron who came and rescued me. He listened to the spirit's leading, and asked me the most layered question in the world, "How you doing?" I assumed he wasn’t referring to my visible layer so I told him all that was going on--- I dint know the answer and I was scared and humbled and in a place that I didn’t want to be. I didn’t know if God wanted me to go to Thailand! What a scary thought!! This is something that is going to impact on my life so much between now and then and then forever after, and I don’t know the answer!!! [Remember how I said that I like to know the answers? well this was THE big one in my journey to date] God had hit me where it hurts. He’d humbled me in the area of my life that I take pride in, my knowledge. I was talking to Aaron and it hit me that I was no longer in control of my life, that my life was indeed God’s and that he had control. When I nailed the word Thailand to the cross, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew was that I didn’t quite fell right about it and that’s it!

I still don’t know if god wants me in Thailand. But I am no longer ill at ease. Why? Because if there is one difference between pre Chrysalis Ryan and post Chrysalis Ryan, it's that my life is back in God's Hands and he's never let anything slip!

Chrysalis is an amazing experience I hope I never forget! To all those in the Emmaus community THANK YOU! You have meant so much to us here at Perth Chrysalis.